its funny sometimes how i feel so cheated! its weird when i take a step back and look at my life and realise hey babe youve got no fixed direction.i swear one minute its this and the next is that!sometimes i feel ill make it in life and other times i feel like im just going to die. its sad how whenever i want something so badly i wont get it and then soon enough ill realise i dint need it and then i wonder was it meant to be this way?then i wonder what would have happened if i did get it..i hate these thoughts! it tradgic knowing all these good times in your life will end soon. its scary knowing as every second passes im closer to death and so are you. its miserable waking up knowing stuff you'd rather not know. its worst when your so undecided.your just not focussed on one!its so hard!ergh. all these thoughts are so scary.come to think of it them more i try not to think of them the more i end up worrying over my life!i pray that gods listening and everything will work out fine.
think about the people whom youve met in your life said 2 words to them then never met them everg again and then you think of these people and its sucha pity cos maybe you guys could have just turned out to be good frens.who knows.
and then you think of the people whom are your good friends and wonder what would have happened if i never met these people!and then you begin to thank god for these wonderful people!but then i think of the people ive never met in my life properly and i tell myself so wasted.
but then there's this one frend i miss so badly!gosh why cant we just be frens PLEASE..i miss you as a frend.i really do.we used to have soo much fun together..just talking!this is a really wasted friendship!and this is when i begin to question..was that the end?come on we met for less than a year and now its all gone!your telling me its over?HELL NO?!i hate it.i hate this.
its easy to say 8 will come your away or as shaq says 1008 it will be next yr.but hey man come on whats the point of that 8 or 1008 when you just want one!and when you cant get that one its so painful..i know im not the only one feeling this way and theres so many of my classmated out there who are going thru the same shit.But sometimes it so confusing its like im forcing myself to forgte people im forcing myself to like people.eventhough i like someone..im not sure if i love the person?like and love suddenly seem so different now.im so damn confused.i think thtas why i never had a relationship cos im way to scared to break up in the first place.i hate breakups.i hate tears.i hate crying.i hate getting hurt!i dunt think ill be able to cope with this kinda thing!oh man lets just see how things take thier place..BUT EH I STILL WANT TO BE A (smart) TAI-TAI!
ive recently gotten a really bad reputation.so many people are scared of me now cos i made munch cry.but then i felt really bad after that!and like hello i had every right to scold her anyway!i know its none o fmy business but hey she's still my fren at the end of the day!but thnkgoodness munch wasnt pissed just hope she copes well with everything!the sun will have to shine someday!and like even faith and gina think im scary when i get angry.tho like they all claim to have seen me angry only once they said it was bad enough.i hardly get angry i think eveyront knows that by now and now im labelled as "eh you dunt ever want to see her angry!" how perfect! okay i think this has been of my longest entries ever.but oh wells happy reading and have a great term ahead!
THANKS GINA FOR COMING OVER!AND ATLEAST IT WAS PRODUCTIVE TODAY!tho we did erm our usual stuff plus dinner!thnks babe.
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as our lives change from whatever we will still be friends forever
cos that's what friends are for!
a sister in disguise